Day 3 " OR with Dr.Abeidi"

I got to see my 1st sleeve gastrectomy with dr. Abeidi. To put it in simple words, it was awesome ! Regardless of the fact we where in OR from 8 am to 5 pm I was extremely happy ! it's funny how you can forget you are tired when you are doing something you love or maybe it's only me after all I'm a self confessed workaholic.

I learned something new, which it keep the happy day, like today, in a box and take it out when u need in an ugly day.

P.S: The sight of someone today also made this day special ;)

Day 2 "Getting Started"

So, I'm still getting lost in KKUH, but to be honest it's a beautiful place. I'm scared to meet M.R. but as long as I have Mr.Model :) I'm happy and I believe I can face anything. Mr.Model :P I wanna talk about that but probably in another post.

My patient of one day was discharged and although we where together for one day she left praying for me and wishing me happiness. It's days like this when I fall in love with medicine again. Sadly, she's a terminal case and will end up dead but at lest I was able to make her happy for one day. May god bless her soul wherever she may go.

I also got to teach some lovely girls today. I don't like really teaching but when you meet such smart and bright students, you ought love teaching. They where laughing at my stupid jokes and we were enjoying the boring process of teaching. I think I'm changing my opinion about teaching :/

Anyhow, tomorrow is the weekend and I'm gonna go to the OR YAAAAH ! :D I love the OR in NGH it's my favorite place.

See you all tomorrow. ;)

Day 1

Started out okay then turned ugly when I saw my ex tormentor but turned around when I saw... :) I'll keep it as a secret for now :P

But I end up telling myself that's life I have to live it, can't change who I am nor how I feel. So, just fly with the wind then and hope for a better day tomorrow.

P.S. I came tired that's why I end up dead and didn't post this in time.

A Post Every Day for 2013 !

Like every year we make a lot of promises for the new year but keep little. So, I'm gonna try to challenge myself this year and see if I can commit to at lest this; I'm going to write a post every day during 2013. It may not be important or maybe it will be just a crazy rant but it will be fun and sometimes funny.

Plus, you can follow my life which may not be funny and sometimes a bit melodramatic but you can share your opinion and maybe even learn from my mistakes. With the hectic life of a medical intern, it will be very hard but I'll do my best.

So, lets hope that 2013 and will bring happiness, love and joy to all of you and me....

The Story About a Little Wild Star

     This is a story about a little wild star who thought she figured it all. She was free with no care in the world. The little wild star had caring parents; the sun and the moon were her parents. They cared and loved her, and thought they can keep her safe from all the demons and sorrow in the world. However, the little wild star thought they were restricting her freedom and keeping her on short leash. She never knew there are ugly souls and demons in this world...

     Every now and then, the little wild star would break the rules that the sun and the moon have set to protect the little wild star. The little star would feel a great whenever she breaks a rule thinking that this is what freedom mean. Not knowing she was risking a lot. Until one day she lost her luck. Her mother, the moon, have told her not go into the earth, for the earth is filled with scary monster and ugly souls and told her to wait the sun to come and shine on the earth. But the little wild star did not like what the moon said and thought she can handle whatever hardship the earth might bring. She thought she has strength to fight the demons...

     The little wild star sneaked out to go on an adventure exploring earth and what's hidden there. If you looked through her eyes back then, you would see rainbows, butterflies, unicorns and fairies. She was just a child after all. Excited and thinking she owned the earth and what stories of bravery she would tell to her mother the moon, not knowing at the time that a couple of evil eyes were watching her from far. Those dead hallow eyes belonged to one of the ugly souls her mother never told her about but was always trying to protect her from. The little wild star was distracted by the earth beauty; meanwhile those eyes were still watching waiting for the right time to steal that little star innocent...

     In the blink of an eye, the little wild star innocent smile was stolen by the ugly soul. The little wild star was lucky to escape with what's left of her herself and flew back to the safe home she know in the sky. She no longer had that innocent smile, so she toke a tear from her eye and drew a fake smile to fool everyone around. And so she did, her parents never noticed what's left her soul nor she would let anyone go deep enough to see that she is wearing a fake smile...

White Chocolate

White chocolate, most people know it's not really chocolate but they keep calling it "chocolate". I used to hate that ! If it's not chocolate don't call it chocolate. I was very deference about it, still a bit deference but for whole different reason...

I used to have a dentition to everything, I go by set of rules to control me and keep me centered. Then, my world was turned up side down that damned night and my world went into complete chaos. I no longer believe in rules or dentition, and I decided to look to things differently. Told myself, lets start with " white chocolate ".

I went to a store and got a bar of white chocolate. Opened the bar and kept looking at for hours then it started to melt. I played with it, smelt it, licked my finger, damn ! It taste, smells and feels like chocolate, why was I so stubborn about it ! So what, if it's not made out of full cocoa, they used it's butter at lest.I guess, I was a racist but I finally grew out of it.

To be honest, I respect white chocolate now. Despite the fact that everyone remind her, that she is not a real chocolate, she still feels, smells and tastes like chocolate. So what I am not a real chocolate, you still find me tasty. This is what I hear when I hold white chocolate in my hand. I smile and take a big bite of it and I thank her for showing me a different side of the story...

In fact nowadays, whenever I have white and dark chocolate together, I keep the white chocolate for the last because I love it now...
 

Self - Actualization

As a part of fixing my self, I'm siting in front of a mirror trying to take a good look at myself. Of course I start hurting my self with my own insecurities. My head is too big, my nose is huge, my ears look like Dumbo's ears. Fuck I look like Dumbo, then I wake up from my self-conscious hallucinations and realize it should be more like soul search than my mind fuck. After losing all of my self confidence -_-" I start seeing who I am on the inside...

I have to be honest and admit that I don't like the mess I see inside. I can see where I have done wrong, I let the worse of it get the best of me. I forgot who I'm supposed to be, I forgot what I have accomplished so far, and I forgot who I am. I let his problems define me, his rejection overwhelm me, and his stupidity rule me. I could have been the worst thing that happened to him. Yeah, If he thinks that I showed him hell, he's mistaken, I just opened a window on my Tartarus. However, that ended without seeing the best of it. Enough about him, this should be about me...

When I look at myself, I see the girl who lost, her family, her dream, and herself. It was an accumulative effect no ones fault but me. I don't believe in myself, I lost my fire but at lest I can admit it. I let myself slip through the cracks and I lost that spark in my eyes that spark that kept me going when things got dark...

To be honest I hate who I became, or whom I let myself become because of few pumps and heartbreaks along what can be a really long and lonely road. However, I'm still standing and my story have still not ended...

LA

Ok so I'm still angry u wont tell me who u r -____- but I need the mental distraction :/ if u r still reading my blog...

Almost Back

I lost my track along the way, sometimes we forget who we are. I think that what happened or still happening, it was or it's just a phase but I'm finally trying to fight it. I'm taking a stand and trying to fix what was broken. This fall was not my 1^st and will never be my last. However, what's different this time. I'm starting to fix things from the inside out because if the core of an apple is rotten, no matter how red and beautiful it looks from the outside, the taste will always be disgusting.

The inside out approach involves,

1.       Take a good look at yourself and define your, weakness, flaws, strengths, and goodness.

2.        Forgive yourself, and those who did you wrong, it's hard task but it will set you free.

3.       Fix yourself, mind, body and soul before you try fixing things around you.

4.       By finishing the 1^st three steps you should have reached your nirvana and only when you do try to fix things around.

5.       If things don’t get fixed, leave them to time, for time is able to fix everything that went wrong.

Small steps can do wonder to your soul. Take it from the girl who almost lost it, she's still here for a reason. Unfinished business, we all have that in common. Some are here to help others, others are here to help the world, and only few are here to complete the number. You can choose to be from which category you want.

In the end,

Count your blessings and your problems….If your problems outnumber your blessings, Count Again….

Chances are the things that you take for granted were not added up…

Ignoscentia 00100

He spoke words of passion, judging what I have done. He Forgot it was all just a reaction ! I reacted normally like any hurt and wounded animal. Screamed, fought and finally gave up. Retreated back to my shell, licked my wound and tried to fix what he has done. Kept my distance and portentous of who he really is on  the inside. I realized, he is a two faced man and I was just too clear for his deception and too frank for his lies. He changed his mind and reached back to me. I revealed my teeth and offended he has become, for I did not pick up his bait this time. It was only natural instinct to be scared of the person who have hurt you. Not only once but more than you can count.


Sadly he is too delusional to understand what I have wrote or implied. Guess, I'm just too smart for him after all...