Unattainable Love

I have been having a mental block for a while now. I wish writing this will cure that.

If you came here for a light laugh, a funny and witty post, I am sorry to tell you that this post is not about that.

If you came here for a big shout and sharp words in political injustice, I am sorry to tell you that this post is not about that either.

It's simply about the time I lost trust in the Y chromosome. I learned that parents are humans who are capable of making mistakes . I learned that one day I will do a mistake, I once told my kids not to do. Funny to think, my biggest fear was fear of being unable to show my love to my kids, but now I worry about what I'm going to teach them. I have to worry about the mistakes I'm going to do, not only to them but to myself as well. I guess my biggest fear now has become that I won't be the ideal person they could learn from, and that my mistakes will place them amidst conflicts that would push them to years of therapy. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but somewhere along the way, I seemed to have forgotten that they are human too. I know they have needs, but I never thought that they would do wrong to fulfill those needs. Sorry to say this, but I wish they would turn into inanimate objects, robots, to be more specific. Then, it'll be easy for me to predict their next step, just like Rubik's cube. No matter how I twist it, it'll always assume the right configuration. I know which configuration the cube will assume every time i attempt to twist it. I wish all humans turn into Rubik's cubes, not because I'll be able to control them, but because I want them to be more predictable ,less complicated, and more comprehensible, and maybe, just maybe a little easier to manipulate :P

When did I stop being a child and become their "Personal Advisor"?! I know they don't trust my judgment, I don't trust my own judgment either. When I thought about that fact, I reached a conclusion. They don't want me to be their personal advisor, they just want someone to sympathize and agree with them. My true opinion states ''Bad choice mom and dad''. However, not only my parents do that, we all do or have done that for at least once in our lives. We wine and cry to our parents, partner, friend just to get their sympathy, not to look for advise cause no one is really stupid. We choose not to see the right answer because it's hard for us to do or to accept it.

I'm scared that the apple won't fall far from the tree, that I will one day lose my kids' respect, or scar them for life because of a need or a fling I once craved for in midsummer madness….