I believe I was cursed when Allah created me a woman in Saudi Arabia. I believe
he cursed me with an endless ambition to excel
and individualize in a country like ours. In my county it's nice for me to be a doctor. However, the more important job
and the real reason for my existence, is to be an obedient wife and a machine
for reproduction.
Traditional vision,
I don't want to be someone's wife, or someone's mother. I don't want to be the "nice" and "polite" girl. I want
to scream, fight and curse. I don't want to get married nor have beautiful kids.
Unlike most, I have never played with dolls nor imagined my fairytale wedding! I
can't stand the idea of a large back yard with a white fence. Oh yes, I am mad!
I'm mad because this "traditional" life is not what I want. I am furious
because this place and life is not where and how I see myself living for the
rest of my life. It is my curse to seek everlasting glory.
My vision,
You might say I exhibit the classical symptoms of "feminism". And I
will not deny that! I see myself traveling this earth trying to find my calling.
This journey will take me across lands and seas. I'll pass places where modern
medicine hasn't reached yet. I'll be treating the illness of those who come my
way. I'll be where I'm needed and could make a different. I'll sleep under the
stars, completely depending on my own. "The minute I leave this county, I will
never come back." This was always in the back of my mind. These dreams
among other dreams torment me every night and my biggest fear is to end up
living the traditional life...
Doubts,
Many have told me, "You will grow out of it." But if that is true,
shouldn't I have started giving up these ideas?! Why do I feel the same way
about it, if not even worse?! I have told my parents that I won't be happy.
Yet, and for whatever reason, they still think I'll end up giving up those dreams.
The planning and fears,
For now, I'm planning to join MSF as soon as I can. I think the idea of volunteering
there is the closest I can get to my dream. For me, it's only a matter of time.
And time will prove me victorious. Yet, if I ended up achieving my dreams,
will I be happy or lonely? Will I start to feel that I was unrealistic and end
up giving up? These questions cannot be answered only by time...
