There are moments in life where you feel hopeless and helpless. Though, try to get out , think of a solution or even ask for help you find yourself alone and defeated. Your spirt is almost broken and your life is slipping away.
Then I realized the only way to win is to survive and embrace every second of unhappiness. Live life to the fullest, this was my revelation and my road to eternal salvation.
Good or bad it's all worth living. A wasted time, is the second you live without learning and evolving into a better self and a new existence.
If you reached your dreams, you won nothing cause you just got what you deserve, there is no lesson learned in it. You worked hard so you got what you worked for. The true meaning of life comes from loosing, lostness, and defeat. From them comes the true meaning of life cause life is not fair its mean, cruel and vindictive.
Knowing and believing in that, it should leave you at peace with yourself. Knowing that you are powerless when it comes to heart matters make forgiving yourself easier. Knowing that the fault comes from being human, not from being you, makes it easier to accept your flaws. For they come from your nature not your wrong judgement.
At the end we own our actions but not always own the motive behind them.
So remember, forgiveness comes from within.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Stationary Rotation
My words are plain and simple. So, don't look for hidden meanings behind the letters. I'm only a slave of words and giving you an open invitation to the desert of ignorance, I call a brain. Take as much space as you want and bring your friends too. Hold on to your set, here we go :)
It's a stationary rotation in an empty space. No sound, or light but you can see it going round and round yet stated in one point trying to make a point. Trying to make sense out of nonsense. Trust my words it's a stationary rotation in the space of unknown. Stationary rotation going no where yet you try to follow it's rotation. A stationary rotation you run after try to catch it or stop it but trust me there is no use cause it does not exist not in our sense of comprehension at lest. Yet we believe it exist.
Now you are sick trying to catch up to it's rotation going insane trying to make sense out of nonsense. Funny though, there is a way to make sense out of nonsense. Stop trying to understand it and just go with it. Go in endless journey of point list rotation. A stationary journey will lead defiantly nowhere. First you will get sick of all that rotating but then you will get used to it. Round and round stated in one point without realizing you become another stationary rotation...
Now you think you understand. You feel at peace happy with no answer, happy with the nonsense of a stationary rotation. You look down at those who refuse to follow the nonsense and you find them drawing in questions and a killing ignorance, yet they refuse the nonsense of a stationary rotation. Maybe they lost but at lest they know who they are, although burning without an answer they are at peace.
It's a stationary rotation in an empty space. No sound, or light but you can see it going round and round yet stated in one point trying to make a point. Trying to make sense out of nonsense. Trust my words it's a stationary rotation in the space of unknown. Stationary rotation going no where yet you try to follow it's rotation. A stationary rotation you run after try to catch it or stop it but trust me there is no use cause it does not exist not in our sense of comprehension at lest. Yet we believe it exist.
Now you are sick trying to catch up to it's rotation going insane trying to make sense out of nonsense. Funny though, there is a way to make sense out of nonsense. Stop trying to understand it and just go with it. Go in endless journey of point list rotation. A stationary journey will lead defiantly nowhere. First you will get sick of all that rotating but then you will get used to it. Round and round stated in one point without realizing you become another stationary rotation...
Now you think you understand. You feel at peace happy with no answer, happy with the nonsense of a stationary rotation. You look down at those who refuse to follow the nonsense and you find them drawing in questions and a killing ignorance, yet they refuse the nonsense of a stationary rotation. Maybe they lost but at lest they know who they are, although burning without an answer they are at peace.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Dancing Stars
The sound of the ocean hitting the shore is music to my ear. I can feel the sand warmth beneath me. It couldn't get any better but it did.
I watched the sky changing colors yellow, red, purple and blue. No artist can capture that magical change. It's wasn't a clear sky but still just as beautiful. Between the clouds I saw them, two stars flickering and surfing side by side. They looked as if they were dancing. While I'm listening to hotel California by the eagles, I imagined them dancing and turning around with each flicker one of them take two step forward and the other one a step back. They were happy...
Now, one of them is fading away and the other one is flickering fast. As if it was begging it not go. A cloud came and covered it completely. Now it's alone, flying solo and flickering slowly. I thought I saw him crying, loaning to see his love again but I'm a sucker for romance so don't take my words for it...
The lone star started to fade away too. With slow flickers, it started disappearing into the black purplish sky. I can't see them now, and somehow I know no matter how long I waited for them, they won't come back. However, I can only hope that now they can be together...
I watched the sky changing colors yellow, red, purple and blue. No artist can capture that magical change. It's wasn't a clear sky but still just as beautiful. Between the clouds I saw them, two stars flickering and surfing side by side. They looked as if they were dancing. While I'm listening to hotel California by the eagles, I imagined them dancing and turning around with each flicker one of them take two step forward and the other one a step back. They were happy...
Now, one of them is fading away and the other one is flickering fast. As if it was begging it not go. A cloud came and covered it completely. Now it's alone, flying solo and flickering slowly. I thought I saw him crying, loaning to see his love again but I'm a sucker for romance so don't take my words for it...
The lone star started to fade away too. With slow flickers, it started disappearing into the black purplish sky. I can't see them now, and somehow I know no matter how long I waited for them, they won't come back. However, I can only hope that now they can be together...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Simply Soulmate < 3
So far, it's been 48 days and I'm waiting for it to end. Not cause I can be pessimistic at times, but cause its a rule of thumb, as long as we live on a planet that moves there is no fixed truth. All good and all bad must come to an end. Although, it can change from good to GREAT! but so far we are happy and that's what matters.
I met my geek on "WhosHere", for those who don't know what it is :P just ask an iPhone user. We had the same taste in almost everything. However, we always agree to disagree. I told myself, smart people are hard to find so I'll keep him around. I never thought in a million year we will end up where we are now and if anyone told me I would have ran away as soon as possible. Cause again, good things never last.
He's NOT my knight in shining armor, the reason I won't call him my "knight in shining armor" is cause I don't know how to be a damsel in distress and he gets that about me. However, He's the light that lead me out of the fog. The moon that shines in the darkest hours of the night :). He takes my hand and point me to the way but never drags me to his way. In simple words, he's perfect for me.
He's secured, focused, and always clear as crystal. He got enough wit to rule but never dominates. Creative and innovative without a single cliché bone in his body. Also, geeky and funny, which is a rare combination these days. He takes my abuse with a smile but never let me forget it :P. He knows when to back down but never bow down, he's simply the MAN ;).
I ask myself what did life look like before him?! I simply got no answer. It's as if my life before him never existed and reality without him is fiction. The thought of losing him bring me tears but we made a promise never to part and I'll hold him to this promise.
We both live in our own made up world, in a parallel reality, so to speak. Somehow those two clashed down and it's merging into our perfection. It's perfected somewhere in the middle of compromisation from him and me :P.
I never believed in soulmates, but NOW I have to.
I met my geek on "WhosHere", for those who don't know what it is :P just ask an iPhone user. We had the same taste in almost everything. However, we always agree to disagree. I told myself, smart people are hard to find so I'll keep him around. I never thought in a million year we will end up where we are now and if anyone told me I would have ran away as soon as possible. Cause again, good things never last.
He's NOT my knight in shining armor, the reason I won't call him my "knight in shining armor" is cause I don't know how to be a damsel in distress and he gets that about me. However, He's the light that lead me out of the fog. The moon that shines in the darkest hours of the night :). He takes my hand and point me to the way but never drags me to his way. In simple words, he's perfect for me.
He's secured, focused, and always clear as crystal. He got enough wit to rule but never dominates. Creative and innovative without a single cliché bone in his body. Also, geeky and funny, which is a rare combination these days. He takes my abuse with a smile but never let me forget it :P. He knows when to back down but never bow down, he's simply the MAN ;).
I ask myself what did life look like before him?! I simply got no answer. It's as if my life before him never existed and reality without him is fiction. The thought of losing him bring me tears but we made a promise never to part and I'll hold him to this promise.
We both live in our own made up world, in a parallel reality, so to speak. Somehow those two clashed down and it's merging into our perfection. It's perfected somewhere in the middle of compromisation from him and me :P.
I never believed in soulmates, but NOW I have to.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
To the God of 2nd Chances
I have always questioned you, your existence and the reason. I was in constant search for the meaning, for a revelation that will get me to salvation. Whenever I'm about to run out of words , when I'm about to get to the end of all this mess, I find my finish line is disappearing like a mirage in the desert of my ignorance I find myself lost and looking again for everything I lost...
It's funny, when we find the answer but we don't like the package even before looking inside we start making baseless assumptions and empty arguments. However, when we lose the answer we realize how much it meant and the true value of it and again I'm lost looking for everything I lost...
Pride and ignorance are my sins, my gifts, my curse and my blessings. With my pride I can rule the world but lost the one I love the most. My ignorance was always the driving force behind my hunger for knowledge but was also the cause of all my mistakes...
Now I'm singing along " losing my religion" by Dia Frampton, thinking I lost a battle but not the war. I'm stronger, calmer and finally found my center. After all, all that circling in empty space paid off and I'm no more scared of the unknown...
I was afraid to let myself dream again, I was afraid to let myself go, sink in too deep. Didn't want to be another Alice hiding in the shadow of my dream from reality and the unavoidable truth. No matter how ugly the truth was, some facts about it never change. One, we all know what it is but we chose to look away from it. The 2nd, you can't move on without looking at it, admiring it's ugliness and wondering how could you miss it?! You can't move on without mooring you broken spirit and your wounded pride...
However, part of the beauty of this world, it will keep throwing shit and flowers at you and let you chose which one you want to look at and take. Never take the power of 2nd chances for granted, cause no one can grantee it will come back....
And I'm still singing "losing my religion" but I won't lose my faith and although I'm hurt, blinded and fooled, I'm not giving up cause I believe in the god of 2nd chances. The only thing I lost was just a dream but no wast of time cause a lesson was learned...
That what I learned about myself :) what did you learn about yourself?!
It's funny, when we find the answer but we don't like the package even before looking inside we start making baseless assumptions and empty arguments. However, when we lose the answer we realize how much it meant and the true value of it and again I'm lost looking for everything I lost...
Pride and ignorance are my sins, my gifts, my curse and my blessings. With my pride I can rule the world but lost the one I love the most. My ignorance was always the driving force behind my hunger for knowledge but was also the cause of all my mistakes...
Now I'm singing along " losing my religion" by Dia Frampton, thinking I lost a battle but not the war. I'm stronger, calmer and finally found my center. After all, all that circling in empty space paid off and I'm no more scared of the unknown...
I was afraid to let myself dream again, I was afraid to let myself go, sink in too deep. Didn't want to be another Alice hiding in the shadow of my dream from reality and the unavoidable truth. No matter how ugly the truth was, some facts about it never change. One, we all know what it is but we chose to look away from it. The 2nd, you can't move on without looking at it, admiring it's ugliness and wondering how could you miss it?! You can't move on without mooring you broken spirit and your wounded pride...
However, part of the beauty of this world, it will keep throwing shit and flowers at you and let you chose which one you want to look at and take. Never take the power of 2nd chances for granted, cause no one can grantee it will come back....
And I'm still singing "losing my religion" but I won't lose my faith and although I'm hurt, blinded and fooled, I'm not giving up cause I believe in the god of 2nd chances. The only thing I lost was just a dream but no wast of time cause a lesson was learned...
That what I learned about myself :) what did you learn about yourself?!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Smoke it ;)
Yeah, people it's about freakin weed and why it should be legal. Warning, this post is going to be filled with some classic stoner's slang. So, enjoy yourselves XD
So, I have been accused of being a Stoner since many years ago. Maybe because I'm well educated when it comes to weed or the fact that I act and talk like one sometimes. To be honest, I found acting like a stoner sometimes made my life easier. I mean, imagine living without a worry or care wouldn't that be a freeing and refreshing. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about hard work and achieving your maximum potentials. However, every now and then we all wish if we could relax and blow a stick or at lest get a hit to help us forget the moment.
It's times like tonight when I'm heartbroken and having an exam tomorrow that I'm sure I'm going to flunk, I wish, I had some Budda, hubbly bubbly, and just smoke off the pain. So, I can forget about the past and tomorrow, and just live in the moment to the fullest.
I'm not talking about shit like an A-bomb or banano, just at lest a ditchweed won't hurt every now and then :P. I honestly think, it will reduce the crime rate in the country. Just think of the reason that make humans commit crimes, most of it can be summarized in their personal problems. So, imagine a thing that will make you forget all those problems. To me forgetting the problem is part of solving it XD. Not convinced, :) the crime rate in Amsterdam is lower than any other metropolis. Of course, I wanted to compare it with the crime rate in our beloved country but it's impossibles due to insufficiency of data XD.
So, light up a Pin or even better get yourself Phillies Blunt and smoke the pain away. For a day, spoil yourself and become another Viper and let your worries fly and disappear with the smoke...
I swear, I'm not a Stoner :P
P.S. If you didn't get any of the slang I'll be happy to explain :D
So, I have been accused of being a Stoner since many years ago. Maybe because I'm well educated when it comes to weed or the fact that I act and talk like one sometimes. To be honest, I found acting like a stoner sometimes made my life easier. I mean, imagine living without a worry or care wouldn't that be a freeing and refreshing. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about hard work and achieving your maximum potentials. However, every now and then we all wish if we could relax and blow a stick or at lest get a hit to help us forget the moment.
It's times like tonight when I'm heartbroken and having an exam tomorrow that I'm sure I'm going to flunk, I wish, I had some Budda, hubbly bubbly, and just smoke off the pain. So, I can forget about the past and tomorrow, and just live in the moment to the fullest.
I'm not talking about shit like an A-bomb or banano, just at lest a ditchweed won't hurt every now and then :P. I honestly think, it will reduce the crime rate in the country. Just think of the reason that make humans commit crimes, most of it can be summarized in their personal problems. So, imagine a thing that will make you forget all those problems. To me forgetting the problem is part of solving it XD. Not convinced, :) the crime rate in Amsterdam is lower than any other metropolis. Of course, I wanted to compare it with the crime rate in our beloved country but it's impossibles due to insufficiency of data XD.
So, light up a Pin or even better get yourself Phillies Blunt and smoke the pain away. For a day, spoil yourself and become another Viper and let your worries fly and disappear with the smoke...
I swear, I'm not a Stoner :P
P.S. If you didn't get any of the slang I'll be happy to explain :D
Friday, April 15, 2011
For the Sake of Argument
For the sake of argument, just an argument, cause I can't help but be argumentative at time and places like today.
What if the world stops, no wind , no sound , no light or color. All good have gone and all bad as well. The world now is a better place in definition, cause there is no war, hunger or fear. Would it be?!
So, it's an argument, what if we didn't exist?!! Would this plant be at peace :S I would think not.
We battle lust, greed, vanity, and envy. All what has been called evil within us by us where the truth is, it's only part of our nature without it we won't be humans. It's part of our genes to survive.
So, for the sake of argument and it's just an argument, what if they who we call evil where in fact the genetically evolved form of human beings. What if they were nature way of saying, this plant no longer can carry this huge numbers and it's now survival of the fittest.
And it was just an argument, cause we are all good at judging each other but never been good at judging our selves. We think we are good and when we do bad we think that we have a good reason or even worse, we have the right to do so. Wanting more and needing more is part of success. Being ambitious means that no matter how big your success was, you will always want more and you will look for what's above.
So, for the sake of argument and it's just an argument, what if you wake up tomorrow to find that right has become wrong and evil has become good. Would you still do what was right despite every rule you ever made of not doing wrong?! or would you fallow the world and stand on the safe side?! I think we all would choose the 1st and do the 2nd cause talk is cheap ;)
What if the world stops, no wind , no sound , no light or color. All good have gone and all bad as well. The world now is a better place in definition, cause there is no war, hunger or fear. Would it be?!
So, it's an argument, what if we didn't exist?!! Would this plant be at peace :S I would think not.
We battle lust, greed, vanity, and envy. All what has been called evil within us by us where the truth is, it's only part of our nature without it we won't be humans. It's part of our genes to survive.
So, for the sake of argument and it's just an argument, what if they who we call evil where in fact the genetically evolved form of human beings. What if they were nature way of saying, this plant no longer can carry this huge numbers and it's now survival of the fittest.
And it was just an argument, cause we are all good at judging each other but never been good at judging our selves. We think we are good and when we do bad we think that we have a good reason or even worse, we have the right to do so. Wanting more and needing more is part of success. Being ambitious means that no matter how big your success was, you will always want more and you will look for what's above.
So, for the sake of argument and it's just an argument, what if you wake up tomorrow to find that right has become wrong and evil has become good. Would you still do what was right despite every rule you ever made of not doing wrong?! or would you fallow the world and stand on the safe side?! I think we all would choose the 1st and do the 2nd cause talk is cheap ;)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Anarchy I Want It to Be
The flames of revolutions is spreading, and people finally repealing against tyranny and injustice. It started in Tunisia, then Egypt, and now it's in Yemen, Bahrain, Morocco and Italy. God only knows who's next :P so be ready. I'm glad cause it's been a long time since anything good came out of the middle east and look at us we are exporting revolutions, how cool is that?! :D
Someone should really explain to Arabs rulers what dose a republic mean :S cause I don't think that Ali Abdullah Saleh understand. Mr. Saleh you don't "step down" you have been a president for to damn long. 33 year :S, you do remember Mr. Saleh, Yemen still a democratic republic. Also, you should take a lesson from Mr. Mubark, I mean who are you trying to fool with those "civilian allies" of yours. It was obvious they were bought consciences, from your so called "army" better called mercenaries. I can't help to think 10 years from now, what would those men tell their kids?! would they say we fought for your dignity and freedom or we fought for our country?
In the gulf region we lake "true" patriotism and I insist on "true". It's not wearing the color of your flag or going out on rallies in the national day without even knowing why it's a national day. Patriotism is far more than singing your national anthem in the morning. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what it is because I have yet to experience it. I brought this topic up because, what happened in Bahrain deeply upsets me. What if it happened here?! would the army exterminate us as if we where worthless insect. If so, how we can stay or be patriotic toward a country that consider our life to be worthless just due to slight disagreement which the constitution stand by us on it. However, thank god, this will never happen in my country. First, we don't have a constitution, thank god, constitutions are for secular idiots to protect their rights. Second, if any disagreement occurred we don't get the army involved, we send the secret services and they take them to an undisclosed location to the rest of their lives :D
Last but not least, Mr. Al Gaddafi your news light up my day. You are the only man who understood revolution with all it's aspect :P. However, one question consume my mind. If you were not part of the government and that the government is corrupted not you, what makes you think that by protesting on the streets you can win more than what you could in office and if so what's the use of being a president if you can't at least fix corruptions. I would recommend, you stay the leader of a revolution and leave Libya work it's problems, OK?! :D
That's why long time ago I decided, I want to live in an anarchy cause what's the point of governments if all what they do is steal and dictate how should and should not my life go...
A NAR CHY...
A NAR CHY...
A NAR CHY...
Someone should really explain to Arabs rulers what dose a republic mean :S cause I don't think that Ali Abdullah Saleh understand. Mr. Saleh you don't "step down" you have been a president for to damn long. 33 year :S, you do remember Mr. Saleh, Yemen still a democratic republic. Also, you should take a lesson from Mr. Mubark, I mean who are you trying to fool with those "civilian allies" of yours. It was obvious they were bought consciences, from your so called "army" better called mercenaries. I can't help to think 10 years from now, what would those men tell their kids?! would they say we fought for your dignity and freedom or we fought for our country?
In the gulf region we lake "true" patriotism and I insist on "true". It's not wearing the color of your flag or going out on rallies in the national day without even knowing why it's a national day. Patriotism is far more than singing your national anthem in the morning. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what it is because I have yet to experience it. I brought this topic up because, what happened in Bahrain deeply upsets me. What if it happened here?! would the army exterminate us as if we where worthless insect. If so, how we can stay or be patriotic toward a country that consider our life to be worthless just due to slight disagreement which the constitution stand by us on it. However, thank god, this will never happen in my country. First, we don't have a constitution, thank god, constitutions are for secular idiots to protect their rights. Second, if any disagreement occurred we don't get the army involved, we send the secret services and they take them to an undisclosed location to the rest of their lives :D
Last but not least, Mr. Al Gaddafi your news light up my day. You are the only man who understood revolution with all it's aspect :P. However, one question consume my mind. If you were not part of the government and that the government is corrupted not you, what makes you think that by protesting on the streets you can win more than what you could in office and if so what's the use of being a president if you can't at least fix corruptions. I would recommend, you stay the leader of a revolution and leave Libya work it's problems, OK?! :D
That's why long time ago I decided, I want to live in an anarchy cause what's the point of governments if all what they do is steal and dictate how should and should not my life go...
A NAR CHY...
A NAR CHY...
A NAR CHY...
Friday, February 11, 2011
For the Sake of Freedom
In the beginning of the Egyptian protests, I wasn't really following the news nor cared to read about what is happening in the world. For god sakes, it's not like I'm not happy Tunis got it's freedom back but do we have to smell it's shit every day now?!. Not only that :( it will be eating drinking and shopping with us :@. Don't get me wrong but we need the money and it's not like there is anything good coming from his majesty's residents in our lovely country. For god sakes, wasn't he the man who forbid hejab to be worn in school and Athan from being held in Tunisia mosques. So, I don't think our country is his cup of tea :S
Dear King Abdullah, I know you felt sorry for him but that what they call karma or let me put it in words you know before, remember tsunami that was not god punishment for the sinners, what's happening with Bin Ali is god punishment.
To be honest in the first 2 day I thought that this Egyptian protest is just anther propaganda, so TV network can cash out while people still hoked on democracy and freedom drama. My days consisted of going to living room for a couple of words with mom and dad then back to my cave and if I hold a newspaper, I go straight to sudoku page . Now it's the 3rd day, mommy and daddy still talking about, I tell myself " those people got some guts maybe I should check what's going on". It 28 January, first Mubarak speech, I laughed when he said" my instructions was to provide for the citizens a chance to express their opinions" or when he said that these protests and the one before them would not exist if there wasn't a space of freedom and democracy for them to exist in the first place. I would like to take a pause....
Dear Mr. president soon just Mr. Hosni Mubarak, people courage to fight you came out of hunger. Also, the reason they sleep on the streets, in this cold, is either they don't have the money for heater back home or they don't have the money for a home in the first place :@ So, no matter how strong you think yourself remember you are fighting people with nothing to lose...
Back to his first speech, he goes on " I know how my people feel, the extent of their suffering and I have been working on it for years" really?! will now ladies and gentlemen we have reach a new level of bullshit. OK, he is argent enough to ask for his government reassignment but he will not move from the chair as if they were the origin of the problem :S. By the way, can he be any sweeter than that :) it's as if he is talking to 10 year old kids. I don't think he gets that people lives were wasted. Oh, what is wrong with me?! with Mubarak's 7 billions he can buy and sell human lives.
However, what really got into me is the resent news when king Abdullah take Mubarak's side and against America. Why?! I don't get it! No I don 't want to understand. You don't stand against people well. Cause not all people can live without dignity and chose to live in suppression :/ Not all people choose to look the other way when it comes to the truth. Not all people close their mind and gave up their free well in return of "safety and prosperity" We are not the same...
Dear King Abdullah, I got really furious when I heard that you will provide all the help that Mubarak need in his unfair fight. For god sakes, we need the money :S jeddah still need a lot of fixing, King Abdulaziz University need maintenance, people did not get their compensations and when you finish from all that we have 30% under poverty line and unemployment rate going up and I'm still waiting for the solution since I was 5th grad :S Come to think about it, if the help to Mubarak is going the same as our solutions to Jeddah's problems?! Egyptian people FREEDOM IS COMING! XD
Dear King Abdullah, I know you felt sorry for him but that what they call karma or let me put it in words you know before, remember tsunami that was not god punishment for the sinners, what's happening with Bin Ali is god punishment.
To be honest in the first 2 day I thought that this Egyptian protest is just anther propaganda, so TV network can cash out while people still hoked on democracy and freedom drama. My days consisted of going to living room for a couple of words with mom and dad then back to my cave and if I hold a newspaper, I go straight to sudoku page . Now it's the 3rd day, mommy and daddy still talking about, I tell myself " those people got some guts maybe I should check what's going on". It 28 January, first Mubarak speech, I laughed when he said" my instructions was to provide for the citizens a chance to express their opinions" or when he said that these protests and the one before them would not exist if there wasn't a space of freedom and democracy for them to exist in the first place. I would like to take a pause....
Dear Mr. president soon just Mr. Hosni Mubarak, people courage to fight you came out of hunger. Also, the reason they sleep on the streets, in this cold, is either they don't have the money for heater back home or they don't have the money for a home in the first place :@ So, no matter how strong you think yourself remember you are fighting people with nothing to lose...
Back to his first speech, he goes on " I know how my people feel, the extent of their suffering and I have been working on it for years" really?! will now ladies and gentlemen we have reach a new level of bullshit. OK, he is argent enough to ask for his government reassignment but he will not move from the chair as if they were the origin of the problem :S. By the way, can he be any sweeter than that :) it's as if he is talking to 10 year old kids. I don't think he gets that people lives were wasted. Oh, what is wrong with me?! with Mubarak's 7 billions he can buy and sell human lives.
However, what really got into me is the resent news when king Abdullah take Mubarak's side and against America. Why?! I don't get it! No I don 't want to understand. You don't stand against people well. Cause not all people can live without dignity and chose to live in suppression :/ Not all people choose to look the other way when it comes to the truth. Not all people close their mind and gave up their free well in return of "safety and prosperity" We are not the same...
Dear King Abdullah, I got really furious when I heard that you will provide all the help that Mubarak need in his unfair fight. For god sakes, we need the money :S jeddah still need a lot of fixing, King Abdulaziz University need maintenance, people did not get their compensations and when you finish from all that we have 30% under poverty line and unemployment rate going up and I'm still waiting for the solution since I was 5th grad :S Come to think about it, if the help to Mubarak is going the same as our solutions to Jeddah's problems?! Egyptian people FREEDOM IS COMING! XD
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Get that Baby Out of Me
As I stand in the hallway, my clothes are getting tighter and my head scarf now cutting my breath. I want to take it off, to take everything off, to scream at the top of my lungs but I'm still here in the hospital hallway. Look for an empty room, I tell myself, but no luck. If only I didn't call her, if only I didn't ask her how she's doing, if only I can cry, I keep repeating these words to myself and the more I did the closer to asphyxiation I get.
Her words play over and over in my head, it's over "it" no more living inside me, that's what she said. Her voice was tired yet had the same careless cold tone. I don't want to judge her, cause I know I'll never understand the life she lived. I remembered the first day she told me and asked for my help.
She said" I want "it" out of me, I can't have "it" now. Do you know anyone who can help me?".
I said" Hmmm, nope sorry can't help you with "it" but may I know the reason why you don't want "it".
At first all her excuses sounded lame but then who am I to judge?! I did not live her life and don't know what it mean to "want and not get". I listened to her story and I found myself being less convinced of her reasons to abort "it". So dispersed to win, I found myself saying things I normally would not say. Like" try getting closer to god, pray for your peace of mind and soul, and think of the after life and god punishments for the sinner" I felt so phony saying these things to her when she and I know what I believe in is way far from that.
After all, nothing could change her mind and she got "it" out of her body.
I know I did everything I could and whatever happened after that was not in my hand or power to fix but yet it's "defeat". I can't get over the sense that I just lost a "battle". I want to pretend it's because I lost a "life" but the truth is I don't consider "it" to be a "life".
I now found myself walking aimless around the hospital. I almost finished 2 rounds and I no longer feel the ground under my feet. I try to take a breath but my chest is not moving. Looking back, I was mad at the kids who stopped to flirt with me but then if it wasn't for them I probably would not have snapped out of it and kept on walking for hours more. They were creepy so I went back inside the hospital.
I can't really say there is a lesson I learned here and I'm not rethinking my values either. Abortions should be legal and left for ones own values and believes. We doctors should not be bias to one opinion over another. We should not try to enforce our believe system onto our patients cause then we will create unsafe environment where people will look for those who deliver what they need at any cost.
So, YES to giving condoms, birth-control, and needles for free on the streets
YES for no questions asked law
YES for free abortions clinics
Her words play over and over in my head, it's over "it" no more living inside me, that's what she said. Her voice was tired yet had the same careless cold tone. I don't want to judge her, cause I know I'll never understand the life she lived. I remembered the first day she told me and asked for my help.
She said" I want "it" out of me, I can't have "it" now. Do you know anyone who can help me?".
I said" Hmmm, nope sorry can't help you with "it" but may I know the reason why you don't want "it".
At first all her excuses sounded lame but then who am I to judge?! I did not live her life and don't know what it mean to "want and not get". I listened to her story and I found myself being less convinced of her reasons to abort "it". So dispersed to win, I found myself saying things I normally would not say. Like" try getting closer to god, pray for your peace of mind and soul, and think of the after life and god punishments for the sinner" I felt so phony saying these things to her when she and I know what I believe in is way far from that.
After all, nothing could change her mind and she got "it" out of her body.
I know I did everything I could and whatever happened after that was not in my hand or power to fix but yet it's "defeat". I can't get over the sense that I just lost a "battle". I want to pretend it's because I lost a "life" but the truth is I don't consider "it" to be a "life".
I now found myself walking aimless around the hospital. I almost finished 2 rounds and I no longer feel the ground under my feet. I try to take a breath but my chest is not moving. Looking back, I was mad at the kids who stopped to flirt with me but then if it wasn't for them I probably would not have snapped out of it and kept on walking for hours more. They were creepy so I went back inside the hospital.
I can't really say there is a lesson I learned here and I'm not rethinking my values either. Abortions should be legal and left for ones own values and believes. We doctors should not be bias to one opinion over another. We should not try to enforce our believe system onto our patients cause then we will create unsafe environment where people will look for those who deliver what they need at any cost.
So, YES to giving condoms, birth-control, and needles for free on the streets
YES for no questions asked law
YES for free abortions clinics
Friday, January 14, 2011
1+1= 0
Revelation About Logic..
It's the power of ill-logic that dominant every aspect of our lives, and that is my new revelation. As hard as we pretended, try to make sense of the no sense, and hope that reality will not kick us in the butt. It will always do the question is and will always remain how much are we willing to admit?!
The Dilemma of Faith...
I go back and forth in faith. I test god, I test his patience, I test how far I can go with my vanity before, the mighty one, struck me dead. Is it that I have a secret wish to die or Is that I have no faith in GOD!?
Can we call god he or she? use his or her? If not what should I use?! What should I say?! Lot's of questions without answers and probably lot's of answers left missing cause we are to scared to look for them...
I guess this what scared me the most questions left unanswered. Is there a specific phobia for that?! What would it be called :D tell me in the comment.
Wash Away Your Sins...
Going back and forth with my faith look for no answer. I'm looking for a relieve...
Isn't that what agonize the human race from the beginning of time?! Why are we here?! What are we supposed to do?!
Some say that it's randomness, it's a random coincidence that made us exist in this universe. Also since Chaos brought us, in chaos we will leave as Nostradamus predicts. All heavenly books and the earthly ones although write a different beginnings, end with the same structure of destruction.
The Suffering of a Planet...
What a POOR planet you have no escape?! It's like they all know what crimes they have done toward you and so to relieve their worries they blame destiny in all it's shapes.
Why there is no end to where humans can live happily ever after on this earth without the need for it to be destroyed?!
Why there is no ending where the earth is clean from every organic matter living or not as long as it cause pain and suffering to others?!
Why there is no ending where the earth is back to being a virgin before anyone raping her....
It's the power of ill-logic that dominant every aspect of our lives, and that is my new revelation. As hard as we pretended, try to make sense of the no sense, and hope that reality will not kick us in the butt. It will always do the question is and will always remain how much are we willing to admit?!
The Dilemma of Faith...
I go back and forth in faith. I test god, I test his patience, I test how far I can go with my vanity before, the mighty one, struck me dead. Is it that I have a secret wish to die or Is that I have no faith in GOD!?
Can we call god he or she? use his or her? If not what should I use?! What should I say?! Lot's of questions without answers and probably lot's of answers left missing cause we are to scared to look for them...
I guess this what scared me the most questions left unanswered. Is there a specific phobia for that?! What would it be called :D tell me in the comment.
Wash Away Your Sins...
Going back and forth with my faith look for no answer. I'm looking for a relieve...
Isn't that what agonize the human race from the beginning of time?! Why are we here?! What are we supposed to do?!
Some say that it's randomness, it's a random coincidence that made us exist in this universe. Also since Chaos brought us, in chaos we will leave as Nostradamus predicts. All heavenly books and the earthly ones although write a different beginnings, end with the same structure of destruction.
The Suffering of a Planet...
What a POOR planet you have no escape?! It's like they all know what crimes they have done toward you and so to relieve their worries they blame destiny in all it's shapes.
Why there is no end to where humans can live happily ever after on this earth without the need for it to be destroyed?!
Why there is no ending where the earth is clean from every organic matter living or not as long as it cause pain and suffering to others?!
Why there is no ending where the earth is back to being a virgin before anyone raping her....
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