White Chocolate

White chocolate, most people know it's not really chocolate but they keep calling it "chocolate". I used to hate that ! If it's not chocolate don't call it chocolate. I was very deference about it, still a bit deference but for whole different reason...

I used to have a dentition to everything, I go by set of rules to control me and keep me centered. Then, my world was turned up side down that damned night and my world went into complete chaos. I no longer believe in rules or dentition, and I decided to look to things differently. Told myself, lets start with " white chocolate ".

I went to a store and got a bar of white chocolate. Opened the bar and kept looking at for hours then it started to melt. I played with it, smelt it, licked my finger, damn ! It taste, smells and feels like chocolate, why was I so stubborn about it ! So what, if it's not made out of full cocoa, they used it's butter at lest.I guess, I was a racist but I finally grew out of it.

To be honest, I respect white chocolate now. Despite the fact that everyone remind her, that she is not a real chocolate, she still feels, smells and tastes like chocolate. So what I am not a real chocolate, you still find me tasty. This is what I hear when I hold white chocolate in my hand. I smile and take a big bite of it and I thank her for showing me a different side of the story...

In fact nowadays, whenever I have white and dark chocolate together, I keep the white chocolate for the last because I love it now...
 

Self - Actualization

As a part of fixing my self, I'm siting in front of a mirror trying to take a good look at myself. Of course I start hurting my self with my own insecurities. My head is too big, my nose is huge, my ears look like Dumbo's ears. Fuck I look like Dumbo, then I wake up from my self-conscious hallucinations and realize it should be more like soul search than my mind fuck. After losing all of my self confidence -_-" I start seeing who I am on the inside...

I have to be honest and admit that I don't like the mess I see inside. I can see where I have done wrong, I let the worse of it get the best of me. I forgot who I'm supposed to be, I forgot what I have accomplished so far, and I forgot who I am. I let his problems define me, his rejection overwhelm me, and his stupidity rule me. I could have been the worst thing that happened to him. Yeah, If he thinks that I showed him hell, he's mistaken, I just opened a window on my Tartarus. However, that ended without seeing the best of it. Enough about him, this should be about me...

When I look at myself, I see the girl who lost, her family, her dream, and herself. It was an accumulative effect no ones fault but me. I don't believe in myself, I lost my fire but at lest I can admit it. I let myself slip through the cracks and I lost that spark in my eyes that spark that kept me going when things got dark...

To be honest I hate who I became, or whom I let myself become because of few pumps and heartbreaks along what can be a really long and lonely road. However, I'm still standing and my story have still not ended...

LA

Ok so I'm still angry u wont tell me who u r -____- but I need the mental distraction :/ if u r still reading my blog...

Almost Back

I lost my track along the way, sometimes we forget who we are. I think that what happened or still happening, it was or it's just a phase but I'm finally trying to fight it. I'm taking a stand and trying to fix what was broken. This fall was not my 1^st and will never be my last. However, what's different this time. I'm starting to fix things from the inside out because if the core of an apple is rotten, no matter how red and beautiful it looks from the outside, the taste will always be disgusting.

The inside out approach involves,

1.       Take a good look at yourself and define your, weakness, flaws, strengths, and goodness.

2.        Forgive yourself, and those who did you wrong, it's hard task but it will set you free.

3.       Fix yourself, mind, body and soul before you try fixing things around you.

4.       By finishing the 1^st three steps you should have reached your nirvana and only when you do try to fix things around.

5.       If things don’t get fixed, leave them to time, for time is able to fix everything that went wrong.

Small steps can do wonder to your soul. Take it from the girl who almost lost it, she's still here for a reason. Unfinished business, we all have that in common. Some are here to help others, others are here to help the world, and only few are here to complete the number. You can choose to be from which category you want.

In the end,

Count your blessings and your problems….If your problems outnumber your blessings, Count Again….

Chances are the things that you take for granted were not added up…