The Castle in My Head

I started building up my castle when I was 6. Each year I add a room, give it new colors, and change the decor. My castle was small, similar to the one any child would draw. It was white with green bricks on the top. It used to have a beautiful garden in the back and a big fountain with crystal clear water running in it in front of the castle. It was a beautiful catoonish castle.


I used to run to my castle when things get tough, I used it as my study area and the place where I keep all my secrets. I had a library there where I keep all the books I read and all the things I learned. I go there and pick up the book I need then move to my thinking room.  My thinking room was all made out of mirrors with a big chair in the middle, I sit in it for days to solve whatever problem I'm facing and sometimes I just use it to be alone with myself. 

The place was beautiful up until I became 8 years old, for a reason I prefer to keep unknown, I changed. My castle changed and with it my whole life have changed. The castle no longer white, it's colored black and the bricks became red. The fountain has red colored liquid running in it and the garden in the back is dead. I didn't care for these changes because I spend most of my time inside now. 


The castle did not change much from inside it just become a little dark and added some rooms in it. I have my hiding room now, a little dark room where I run away from my demons. A dreaming room, where I go when I'm sleepless. All which seems just away of me trying to accommodate with the new reality I live in. My library got bigger and it getting bigger and bigger each year. Now, it's the biggest room in my castle. I keep my books in alphabetical order and subjectively divided. It's probably the most organized part of my brain. 

I still run back to my castle when things in my life become too complicated or simply if I want to study for a hard test. However, lately it's been hard. My castle seemed to be upside down and I can barely find my way inside it. I don't know if this a reflection of what's going inside my head but I know I need to fix it...