Forever a Medusa

I learned about Medusa when I was around 9 or 10. Since then, I stated having dreams about her. About a half women, half snake, with snakes for hair. It was never scary, she never said anything, never moved and never turned away from me. Just sites there looking at me with sad eyes, eyes full of tears but never drooped a tear. They always talk about how she turns men who look at her into stone but I can swear I never dreamed of anything as beautiful as Medusa's eyes. I almost felt sorry for her, that such eyes can be associated with such myth. Oh, my heart just brakes for her, as I see her lonely, sad, and hated even by herself.

It's a Myth...
There is two myths regarding Medusa's curse; one says that she laid down with Poseidon in Athena's temple to anger her as Athena and Poseidon were enemies, and one says that Poseidon raped her in Athena's temple when she went there to ask for her help. However, both agree that Athena punished her by turning her and her sisters into monsters. Ugly monster, so no man would want her and turns any man who looks at her into stone, so she can never pursue men.

In both stories, I'm disappointed, that Athena the goddess of wisdom would do such a thing. why didn't she punish Poseidon too?! Why didn't Poseidon help her?!. In Greek mythology, men were created in the likeness of gods and women were created in the likeness of goddesses. So, it's no wonder that men will act selfishly as Poseidon did. He knew that he's no match to Athena the powerful goddess who even Zeus tried to stop her birth, and in a moment of cowardliness and godlessness he gave up on Medusa and left her to face Athena alone.

Searching for my Medusa...
Since I can't draw like my daddy, I tried to look for a picture of Medusa similar to the one in my dream. I was trying to find the same feelings I felt in my dreams. I didn't find anything that looks like it but I noticed something in all of the pictures her face either show anger, fear, or sadness and even in the most seductive portraits there is a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. Oh Medusa, what sins have you commuted to diverse such an end.

What she stand for...
They say that Medusa was turn to a monster after her sin, so that, her tainted sinful soul will match her out side. She was made an example for those girls who will live their life freely loving and be loved, that their end will be like Medusa shamed for life and shame will fallow their families as the cursed has caught Medusa's sisters too. It was a warning for every women that even if she was a helpless victim in front of a ruthless god like Poseidon, she is to be blamed for letting herself to be victimized.

To me Medusa represent a "Woman Anger" at a society that forgives a man sin but never a woman sin. At men who play with women love so leniently as if it was cheap and easy to find. At men who will run after them to the end of the world and leave them as soon as they get what they want. Anger, for being used and punished their bodies.

I don't believe, that she can't look at her reflection be cause she will turn into stone because a snake never poisoned by her venom. I think she can't stand look at her reflection because she was naive to think she can find love, or find someone who deserve her. I believe, she can't stand looking at herself because she knew that the world and the gods had abandoned her.

If She Would Talk...
I always wonder, if the Medusa in my dream would talk, what would she say to me?! would she say that in every woman there is a Medusa waiting for her heart to be broken so she can come out!! or would it be a stupid advise about the nonexistence of true love, yes it's stupid because we all know that. Maybe our Medusa told us but we keep forgetting it...

Finally,,,
In a society like ours, the word love equal sin, the word lovers equal sinners. There is no place for love and no safe haven for lovers. No real lovers, only hungry beasts and filthy whores. So, to you innocent love seeking, hungry for passion individual, look for love but not here. I can't guaranty that you will find it but I sure know that you will never find it here..

"Forever a Medusa, and Medusa will be me"

Why Do I Prefer Funerals Over Weddings ?

Recently, I have gone to a funeral of friend and to a wedding of a friend and as I sit in the dark corner of my room looking at my reflection in the mirror , my heir looks great BTW XD, I started thinking what 's the similarity between wedding and funerals??! I know what you all thinking there isn't any similarity. Well , me being sooo twisted I found some :D.

First, both gather people for the end of something
weddings >>> end of freedom
funerals>>> end of life

Second, in both you expect to see someone crying
wedding>>> mother of the bride or groom
funerals>>> family of the deceased and sometimes people with absolute no relation to the deceased!!! :S

Third, in both you expect to see someone in white
wedding>>> the bride
funerals>>> the deceased

Fourth, in both you expect to find food to eat

Fifth, both got loud speaker
wedding>>> music
funerals>>> Quran

Sixth, both end the same>>> people leave the place in a total mess

Seventh, both get women gossiping about someone or something, the day after

but I think there is one different that I like about funerals >>> is that I don't have to wear make up :P
if u think i missed any similarity pleas add them in the comments
P.S. it's kinda lame post, i know

Aren't We All Muslims ?!

I was clicking on the remote with a grate deal of boredom when I passed by a channel that caught my ears more than my eyes. It was a heated argument between to men in terrapins and the host was trying to get them cool down so they will speak in a clear voice but enraged enough to keep the argument exciting. What really bothered me is when I started to understand that this charade is supposed to be a debate :S ?!

To tell the truth, I liked the idea of the show. It was supposed to be new presentation to a subject need to be raised more and more but it was a sensitive matter that needed to be discussed with great care. This show I'm talking about was aired on respectful, it was a confrontation between two religious sects. I honestly thought that an idea like that would clear a lot of miss constipation between the two parties and help to look at similarities more than differences. However, the show was nothing like that.

Anyone with a normal IQ will notice from the first 10 minutes what the show was really about. It was a modern representation of gladiators fight. I felt as if I was sitting in the Colosseum back to the 1st century BCE. I was not really sure who was the barbaric here?!. Was it those two men or the people who are watching it ?! Yes I think anyone who will wast his/her time watching a so called debate is barbaric, cause the truth is you are enjoying the fight not intellectual the debate, if we can call it such a thing.

Also, what really bugs me is, I went back to watch the show hopping that they may have notice their mistake and little have I know :S. Apparently, every time they try to find even more barbaric people to discuses the same the topic making the same baseless arguments over and over. I know that all they care about is money and action sells. However, where is their morals?! there must be at lest one person who would say no, this is should not how religion should be discussed. What about those who watch it?! aren't they offended by the quality of shows this respectful channel thinks they would like?!

The show was first aired in Ramadan. Then, they aired it all year and I'm sure this year they will have something more absurd. So, I'm asking you all, pleas don't watch it and if you like it tell me why?

Herd Mentality

I still remember that day when I stood in class and faced the monster, challenging her and defying the herd mentality she was shoving down our throat. I argued " I have brain which god gave me as gift, so I can be different from other creatures. How dare you ask me to shut it down". She respond with a sharp tone " this is what we learned from those who have better brains than yours, and even if you don't understand it, you have to follow it, cause this what a good girl would do". So, what if I don't want to follow the rules?! what if I want to be different ?! does it mean I just want attention?
This argument came up when "our beloved teacher" was trying to explain what secularism mean. She define it as separation of religion from life, well believe it or not it's not what it mean but she was taken by the herd mentality and believed what she heard from someone else, terminated her brain and did not try to look for the truth. She was unwilling to hear what I'm about to say even before I said it, cause she knew it's not what she learned.
I told her " secularism is defined as separation of church and state and since church represents religion and state represents politics. Therefore, it's separation of politics and religion". Her eyes were wide open stunned by my boldness and first thing she asked " who told you that? who have been feeding you such thoughts?". I responded as if she just insulted me" you can find it in any dictionary. I did not make it up or someone feed it to me. I used my brain unlike what you did". So of course, I was kicked out of class send to the principle office.
The principle was an understanding lady, who sheared with me a lot of my opinions. She told me to tune it down and try to play a long so I can live in peace. The truth is, I never wanted to live in peace. In fact, I love the rush I get from debating mindless idiots who believe anyone with a beard.
Why can't I have my own thoughts about life and politics?!. Why do I have to follow those who call them self the leaders of Muslim nations?!. When will we stop listening to one side?! why can't we look at it from different angles?! Why do they hide it from us if they were right?! yep, I'm talking about censorship. If they were right why do they censor the liberal forums and websites.
BTW, censorship is one big violation of human rights and we don't talk about it enough. I will give it a separate post,
What I want you to answer is...
Have you ever been in a similar confrontation and what was it about?
Do you accept every information you receive easily or do you find yourself in constant questioning?

Second Class Citizen

This is for all of you who asked for the old Amany to show up......
I appreciate every thing this generous country gave me but I also believe it's all if not even less than what I deserve as citizen in this country. So, don't tell me we live in haven at lest if you were a woman you should not say that because this country think of you as less than a citizen. why would I say such a thing?? I will tell you why......

When I live in a country where the government thinks I can't take care of myself and I need a man to be responsible for my action. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in country that won't allow me to finish my affairs in the governmental departments without a man to represent me. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country where my legal guardians have the authority to prevent me from obtaining an identity card. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in country that won't allow me to be an ambassadors for my country just cause I'm a woman. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that won't allow me to defend myself in the court of law without a man to represent me. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that won't allow a woman to defend me in the court of law just cause she is a woman. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that prosecute me for being raped. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that allow me to be separated form my husband against my well just for being less than me socially or from a different religious sect. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that won't allow me to participate in politics just cause I'm a women. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that allow a complete stranger tell me what's appropriate to wear as Muslim girl and what's not and give him the right to incarnate me for it. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that won't give my children the citizenship just cause their father is a foreigner . I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that teach me in school that I'm irrational and less of a Muslim than a man or that my work is one of the causes of male unemployment. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country where a male guardian is required to give signed permission in order for me to travel. I feel like a second class citizen......
When I live in a country that allow me to fly an airplane but won't allowed me to drive a car :S. I feel like a second class citizen......

When I live in a society that can accept women success in various fields, but cannot accept seeing or coming into direct contact with them. I feel less of a human....
Now show me you comment and lets hope that this post won't be blocked :D ......

End of a Friendship :/

End of dreams, end of happiness, end of friendship, and end of life. All things must come to an end some day. This is how god intended it to be, if you believe in one....

Why do we need a friend?
The truth is we don't. Your life will go just fine, in fact there will be no problem but yours, no tears but yours, no smile but yours, and most definitely no fun at all. If you think that your life without a friend is better, this mean you never had a real friend yet. It will be easier, I will give you that but it will be a lonely miserable one. If you say not true, I will tell you have not found the real friend yet.

How many do you need?
It's not about the quantity, it's about the quality. Most of us mix the word friend with a lot of words, like school mates, coworkers, or even cosines and I don't mean that those people can not be your friend, just don't say my friend when you mean some thing else.

Who is my friend?
My friend is someone who accept me the way I am with all my faults, sins, mistakes, and virtues. Who can tell me the truth even if hurts me. Who will stand up to me when I am at fault , just as he/she will stand up to defined me. Whom I can be stupid and silly around without feeling worry of what he/she might thinks of me. Someone who is welling to be give me as much as i gave him/ her honesty and clarity. Someone whom I can cry on without feeling a shamed. Someone who will let me make mistakes but won't let me go so far with them.

All good thing must come to an end....
It's the unavoidable reality of life, everything must come to an end. For some reason, when we have a friend we need to, we love to believe, that he/she will be your/my friend forever. Friendship is just like marriage, if u don't pick up the signs and fix the flaws, it will fall apart. If you don't give it all what you got and be honest to your self "first" and to your friend, it will fall apart. And if you lost a friend, don't give up hope cause when one door close the wind will open another which might even better. So, Don't give up on your self and don't give up on your friend.

I want you all to answer these questions...
Who do you call a friend?
Do you think that friends are replaceable?
What is the deal breaker for you in a friendship?

The Confession

To late to say I love you, too late to say sorry, too late to say goodbye, we are always late for something, somewhere, or someone. The funny part is we invented time, we gave it a name and we gave it the value. So, when did we stopped owning it?!, when did we let it take control and I did it again "when".
Have you ever wondered, how did people live before the invention of time? is it the numbers on a clock or is it the changing of day to night and night to day that sets the beginning of a new day?. Why is it the morning that sets it, why not night?!

I know I ask a lot of "Question" but I'm not looking for an answer to a dilemma. Only wondering why?! trying to make this engine run again :S
For some reason I feel like I'm losing against time, it and I fought for so long. Sometimes I lose sometimes it win, no i did not make a mistake here. I don't think we can win with time we can only tie with it because eventually we will run out of time :S .

Why this post ?
I run out of time and could not apologize to her. She's dead now, her time have run out. My time have run out. I said what I said and I don't regret it. Only I wish I could feel what every normal person supposed to feel. I wish I could feel something....

She....
She was not my friend only someone I knew but I think she thought I was more. A mother of two angels, had a nice loving husband, a dear sister, and a father with a big heart. They will miss her...
She was strong, brave, irrational, and stupid at times but she made a decision and stuck to it. I wish I could say more but i did not know her enough.

I can't help but think.....
What if I was nicer to her, what if I showed some care. The truth is I can't...
Maybe because I'm heartless, emotionless, maybe cause I'm not human enough, maybe cause I thought I was better than her, maybe cause I was miserable and I want her to feel the same.
Pleas don't try to make me feel better or say that I'm a good person at heart. I know I'm not, at least I might not have a heart that work like the rest of you.

So now....
Maybe after this the voices will stop.