For years I thought I was different, I used to tell myself, that is just the nature of me. I am quick on my feet, buzzing aimlessly like bee, ready to explode in rage even when I'm not angry just excited, and can't sleep more than 4 hours because sleep was a waste of time for me. I grew up without friends in school because I was too much for most kids to handle, I barely remember what they taught me in school but I had a wonderful mother who helped me until I was in middle school. I believed I was odd so I decided I don't need friends nor am I going to trust people to come close because they will criticize my loud voice and my over the top hyperkinetic energy. However, I was wrong I went to collage and I meet there the most wonderful group of friends you can meet. People who come closer every time I bushed them away, people who accepted me and loved every bit of crazy in me. And then I left...
I left to be with the man I love, and I am happy but a bit lonely can't stop thinking of all the fun times we had wish I could go back to collage just to be around my friends. Especially now, after I learned about my ADHD diagnosis I realized what a good group of friends I had, they loved my craziness and my pathological energy. Something probably I will never find again and I can't stop thinking will they like me now that I am on medication as much as they loved me when I was off, or will the new friends I might meet in the future like me because I am on medication and once I am off they won't.
I don't know about the future friends but I believe that my current friends won't care cause they tolerated me at my worse.
I miss my old life though my new life is exciting enough. I have a new university, a master degree in a new field and a whole new city to explore. What not to like?! It's probably just the fear of failure which have accompanied me my whole life until I realized it's just another symptom of ADHD and though I am on medication all my fear and worries did not go away but at lest I feel like I am equipped to take on new challenges and maybe just maybe I can reach my fullest potential this time.
