To be honest, I'm not used to such kindness nor I know how to be that kind. I over-analyzed the kindness and now I wonder why?! I wonder why he's not into me :/ It was all just part of his personality and I didn't understand that ?!
I guess this world is full of kind individuals and I misunderstood his kindness. The problem is, I don't want to repeat my mistake and fall for a friend again ! Yet I find myself running endlessly in a closed circle. Hoping to find a way out...
Then there is the problem of me being broken beyond fixing ! I'm not ashamed of that, just a little embarrassed to admit it, and I hope it's not just me trying to replace what's missing. I know, I should face such a possibility that it might be nothing more than me trying to replace what's missing. So, I misunderstood the kindness for more than what it is...
There is a pattern here , I jump from one failed relationship to another and then wonder why it failed ?! Never really gave myself the time to heal, and then wonder why it ended the way it did...
To be honest, I'm starting to think maybe I misunderstood his kindness for more because I'm broken.
I hate to grow up but I have to grow up.
Now moving to him, he's charming and witty and it's hard not to fall for that baby face and deviant smile. For heaven's sake, he got 8/10 of my check list for a perfect man. However, I know that the timing is wrong for him and me to be more. There is a lot to say about him, but it's not the time or place to praise a man I do not own.
Now back to me, yes vanity is my sin, I know I need to stop falling for right man who doesn't feel the same way, for the wrong man in the right time, and for the wrong man in the wrong time. I have to take a break, a break from the world and myself, to redefine myself and correct what's wrong with me.
It's time for a new beginning, yes you can have lot's of new beginning as long as you want one...
No comments:
Post a Comment