My Curse

     I believe I was cursed when Allah created me a woman in Saudi Arabia. I believe he cursed me with an endless ambition to excel and individualize in a country like ours. In my county it's nice for me to be a doctor. However, the more important job and the real reason for my existence, is to be an obedient wife and a machine for reproduction.

Traditional vision,

     I don't want to be someone's wife, or someone's mother. I don't want to be the "nice" and "polite" girl. I want to scream, fight and curse. I don't want to get married nor have beautiful kids. Unlike most, I have never played with dolls nor imagined my fairytale wedding! I can't stand the idea of a large back yard with a white fence. Oh yes, I am mad! I'm mad because this "traditional" life is not what I want. I am furious because this place and life is not where and how I see myself living for the rest of my life. It is my curse to seek everlasting glory. 

My vision, 

     You might say I exhibit the classical symptoms of "feminism". And I will not deny that! I see myself traveling this earth trying to find my calling. This journey will take me across lands and seas. I'll pass places where modern medicine hasn't reached yet. I'll be treating the illness of those who come my way. I'll be where I'm needed and could make a different. I'll sleep under the stars, completely depending on my own. "The minute I leave this county, I will never come back." This was always in the back of my mind. These dreams among other dreams torment me every night and my biggest fear is to end up living the traditional life...

Doubts,

     Many have told me, "You will grow out of it." But if that is true, shouldn't I have started giving up these ideas?! Why do I feel the same way about it, if not even worse?! I have told my parents that I won't be happy. Yet, and for whatever reason, they still think I'll end up giving up those dreams. 

The planning and fears,

     For now, I'm planning to join MSF as soon as I can. I think the idea of volunteering there is the closest I can get to my dream. For me, it's only a matter of time. And time will prove me victorious. Yet, if I ended up achieving my dreams, will I be happy or lonely? Will I start to feel that I was unrealistic and end up giving up? These questions cannot be answered only by time...