A Night in with a Baby - Part 1

Babies , I hate them and I don't even consider them to be humans :@. However, since I resigned from the human race, I thought to myself why not try to like them. So, in the spirit of liking new things and the fact that I'm going to be surrounded by them "babies" in pedia. Course. I am going to baby-set my 3 month old sister voluntarily . This girl, Whisper, is really driving me nuts :@. She scream for attention, refuse to sleep in her crib must be on someone's lap, puke a lot, and smell nasty for no obvious reason . Her sleep cycle changes faster than the mood of a PMS-ing teenager :@, and I'm stuck to deal with it. Every day I spend with her make me hate the idea of having a baby even more than the day before….

Without going into to much details, this is the story form a sleepless baby setter, me, having a crazy conversation with a baby, Whisper. Here it is ….

I was walking in round in a drunking gait, so tired that I might just drop dead, but I have a baby in hand who won't fall asleep yet. Despite all my hopeless effort , she won't sleep. I looked down to see the light reflection on her widely opened eyes. They were beautiful but at the same time, the sight crushed me because I knew they were predicting a long night :(.

I sat at the edge of the bed, looked at her again and said" I really don't like you or your kind :@"
Whisper " you should stop saying that or I might develop some psychological problems and you might have to pay for my treatment "
Me" what the Fuck ?"
Whisper" watch you language big sister cause I might say it someday and say I heard it from you if Mom scold me ;) "
Me " Are you really talking to me or am I imagining it ? " Whisper " Hmmm, take a round first" Me" OK" I toke a round in my room and said to her " now what?"
Whisper" your condition is serious :S"
Me ":@ you did not answer my question?"
Whisper "Question why a three month old baby can't talk?"
Me" because His Werniks 's area and Broca's area are not fully developed"
Whisper " in lay man words pleas, smart ass :@"
Me " OK, because their brains are not fully developed"
Whisper " since you know that why do you expect me to be more than just an imagination"
Me " …… shit"
Whisper " If only I can talk, I would have told Mom and made her wash your mouth with soap"
Me" HAHAHAHA, you can't because your voice is the creation of my imagination"
Whisper " but I made you listen to me and walk around like an idiot, I only wonder what else I can make you do? ;)"
Me " What an evil little bitch?!"
Whisper " you better watch your language :S or …."
Me " or what ? :@"
Whisper started to scream her lunges out, she drove me nuts trying to get her quite.
Me " If you don't shut up I will drop you?"
Whisper " try it "
Me " you are not scared, I will do it. I swear "
Whisper " don't swear on something you can not do :P"
Me " why are you so sure that I won't"
Whisper " I said try it :)"

I got up, gave her a sharp look and I commanded my hand to let her go but they won't let go of her. My facial expressions changed from sharp anger to surprise and wonder. Why can't I drop her?! Why won't my hand let go of her?!

Whisper " stop wondering, you can't hurt me because I'm weaker than you and you know it"
Me " that made no sense :S, at all"
Whisper " it's because your are stupid"
Me " Hey, I'm your big sister, you better respect me :@"
Whisper " you see, your bad language started to affect me "
Me " fine, I will try to keep it at P.G. level, Ok?"
Whisper " that's better. I need a bottle of milk or I'm going to cry"
Me " don't threaten me. Cry for food, cry for dipper, and cry for attention, all you do is cry, cry, and cry some more"
Whisper " how else can you tell what I need if I did not cry, or did you started to believe I can really talk"
Me "that's no excuse. You can wait for a little bit"
Whisper " I'm small, can't walk or talk, if I was quite too, you may lose me :) . Just like when you lost your bag"
Me " yah, you are right and you are the same size as my bag"
Whisper " no need for insults, Ms. Duck feet "
Me" Ok, so the crying thing, I can get it now. Why can't I hurt you ?! "
Whisper " God created me weak , so you big people can feel strong around me"
Me" still don't understand"
Whisper " because you are stupid, and now I'm afraid of the genes I inherited "
Me ":@, I hate you"
Whisper " which mean you hate yourself, because I'm from YOUR imagination "
Me "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF……. !,2,3,4,5, calm down, it's just lack of sleep hallucination"
Whisper " good girl, since you hold it down. I'm going to explain more…"
Me" be my guest"
Whisper " we agreed that I'm a weak creature and in comparison you are the strong one, I know it and so do you. So, there is no point of flashing your strength , therefore your nature won't let you do it but it's in all creatures nature to show off their strength. So , it make you express it in a reverse way. In another word, protect me."
Me" if it's in all creatures nature to show off their strength, what is the strength you show off?"
Whisper " my weakness and helplessness…."
Me" :S , hmmm…."
Whisper " Think about it big sister, you are the one with higher mental function after all ;)"
Me" you are really one of my hallucination. I need to get some sleep "
Whisper " If I'm hungry, I can't make myself food, I cry, and you can't hit me to shut me up, so you have to make me food. Can you get it now?"
Me" Yah, I think I do. It sounded like you are blackmailing us. "
Whisper " Hmmm, maybe a little. Now, give me a walk in the house cause I'm bored or I will cry"
Me " NO, please don't. I will, I will …"
Whisper " HeHeHeHe, you have no idea how fun is this?"
Me " I can imagine, don't worry :P"

I'm too tired , she still won't sleep and I'm walking around the house like idiot. Hoping for an unattainable miracle that she will fall asleep.

My Gang - Ms.RumRum

I was thinking, what is the best way to describe Ms.RumRum with remaining fair and square. It turned out there is no good words to do so. Maybe cause I don't know her well although I met her before Ms.S and Philosopher. I want to believe it's because we have a lot in common or maybe too much differences either way I'm thankful that I met her. I will write this post in a before and after meaner cause I want Ms.RumRum to know my true feelings about her, how they changed, and why?!

Ms.RumRum before 4th year....

I don't remember the exact 1st time I told myself " I dislike this girl" but I think, it was over postponing an exam. She wanted not to postpone it, I wanted to do so. What really bothers me was the tone of arrogancy in her voice and the over confidant stand. The sharp looks she gave people but OMG she has really beautiful eyes :S or maybe it's her eyeliner XD. She thinks, she is the best maybe she is but no need to let people know that. I know one thing at the time which it was I don't like that girl and I don't want anything to do with her....
3rd year came and it's time to form the groups for 4th year. Now, me, Ms.S, and philosopher are good friends. Philosopher suggested Ms.RumRum for the group and I did not like the idea but I was in the mood for " not judging people without knowing them personally". I was trying hard to convince myself there is more beyond what my eyes see. And so she became one of the group but not one of us....

Ms.RumRum after 4th year....

Ms.RumRum was most close to Philosopher but not to me or to Ms.S. Right then I started to think this girl has some trust issue :S. I honestly think, she walked next to us just when Philosopher was there and never talked with us unless Philosopher was there. I felt as if she did not want to be with me, since it's kind of hard to dislike Ms.S :P. The more I observed the more question came up to my head. Why is she always alone?! why she does not even try to get close to us since she already like Philosopher?! why won't she trust anyone?! I really hated the fact that she is not trying to make any efforts to show us who she really is. I thought she wanted to take MaMa Philosopher from us but MaMa Philosopher kept saying that Ms.RumRum has a heart of gold and I would say something stupid like" I don't like gold :P". One day the 4 of us were walking to prepare our case presentation, I felt as if she changed her mind, and she walked away from us. I toke a glimpse over my shoulder at her, looking at her walk away, she looked lonely. I felt bad why didn't any of us go with her?! why am I being judgmental towered her :@?!. That's it, she is going to like me and I'm going to look beyond my sight. Thank god I did :)

After, the After....

Ms.RumRum is a perfectionist, and those people demand to much of them selves therefore expect the same perfectionism from others. So, if you were intimidated by her it's only cause you can seance her high expectation and you know you are no match for it. I found out that she lives in a world of idealism, so perfect that even she find it difficult to live in. This idealism make her vulnerable to getting hurt and let down by others, therefore she lost her trust in people and I don't blame her for it. However, if you can look beyond your fears, like I did, and make the first step towards her. She will not let you down. She doesn't have a heart of gold, she has a heart of diamonds. People of her innocence are hard to find and it's kinda refreshing to be around someone so innocent and pure, like she is. I love the fact that she is strong and stand her grounds all the time, although it drives me crazy that she won't give up. I get an unimaginable joy out of fighting with her. I know that Ms.RumRum and I will never see eye to eye on anything but she will be there for me if I go side way and I will be there for her when reality crushes her idealism. After knowing her, I realized that arrogant tone of voice is just confidence and if you get to know her will you will realize it's not OVER confidence. She deserve it, no wait, she earned it through hard work and commitment in her life and work.
Since I met her, or lets say got to know her better, I have one regret which is " why didn't I try to be her friend earlier?!"

My Gang - Philosopher

MaMa AKA Philosopher....

To have a mother for a friend is great but to have a friend for a mother is rare :). Philosopher and me met for the first time in 2nd year when Wesal introduce us. Wesal had asked me to help the new girls and she was one of them. Anyway, I said Hi, told her my name, I think, I gave her my phone number too, and then I forgot all about her :P. Until one day, I saw her crying in front of building 2 . The girls were trying to comfort her but they were not really successful. Now I jumped in :P, not because she was crying but because I wanted to know why she was?! nosy I know :D. It turned out, she was crying because she did not do well in the exam. At this point, I saw myself in her. The joy of success is so fragile to us that the lest mistake would brake us. So, I said to myself before telling her nothing is worth my tears or yours and I started acting stupid just to make her laugh. When she finally did, I felt happy and walked away feeling better. Yes here's a thing about me, it's always about me and making myself happy first. Now, most people would hate to be with someone like that but not Philosopher she would look to the other half and reminds me what a good person I am. She would say "at lest you make people happy too so why wouldn't you feel happy" . Yes, this is my Philosopher....

We shear the same realistic views of life which is something hard to find. Even though she says she uses her heart, she will acknowledge logic and appreciated. She will try to understand you and if she can't she will accept you the way you are. She does not flash her strength in front you therefore you can be weak in front of her without worry. It was the first time I was able to let go, cry with no worries, and be weak with no shame. I did not do that in front of my mother before but I was able to do so in front of MaMa philosopher.

Why I call her MaMa...
I call her MaMa because she has that motherly vibe. She just can't help it, she care about everyone and everything, worry about everyone and everything, and help you only when you need it. let you make mistakes but catches you before you fall, just like a mother. You will never grow up in her eyes but you know she respects you. I'm not exaggerating when I wish my mother was more like her. I honestly think, her kids will be lucky :). ....

She sees me for who I am...
Philosopher is one of the few people, I know, who can see right through you. She is a good judge of character I saw that many times. To the point, where I think she knows me even better than myself. Though to be fair, she can go a little bit too far with her analyzing, at lest this what I think :S. However, I would take her words into my counts cause I know she sees beyond my view and, even probably, have more experiences in life than me.

This was Philosopher, only one is left, Ms.Rum Rum wait for me....

My Gang - Ms.S

Despite everything that happened to me and my family, last year was probably the best year I had since I was 7. I got to complete my set of close friends. This phrase may be offending to some people but my friend, know that I don't know how to say it in better words. When I say "set of " I don't mean that to me they are materials or objects. It's simply, I don't know how to phrase it better than that. I awalys thought that I need friends different than me, so I can fight with them and not get bored. I don't need someone who I can get a long with, I need someone interesting, as in won't accept every word I say without a fight. I need him/her to not be afraid of me and to make me afraid. I need him/her strong to take the truth that I will through without worrying about him/her getting hurt. I need him/ her not to ask me all the time if I care just try to feel it and make me feel it too.
And so I was lucky,
I have a diverse group of friends. Loving and caring without a lot of question. I promised Ms.Rum Rum to write about them and to try to be fair doing it :P.
Here we go....

Ms.S
First is first, and she's the first :) . Ms.S I'm not quite sure where and when did we met but I think it was in communication skills course. We were in the same class. At lest this is the first time I notes her :D. Since I was really bad with names, I was trying to memorize at lest the names of the girls in the same classes as me. To do so, If i see any of those girls I would say Hi to her just so I can have a reason to shout her name >8) deviant, I know. One day, I met Ms.S at book store she was with her father looking for a book, and I saw her, I didn't really know her well but I said Hi to her just so, I can shout her name. You may wonder why is it important to me to memorize the names?! well :D I had a bet with Wesal that I can at lest memorize the names of the girls in my class :D . Now, Ms.S was really surprised that I did. To tell you the truth I saw it in her eyes but everyone see me, give me "this look". You know what I mean that look of " what is wrong with this girl :S".

Later on she told me why she was surprised. Apparently, she did not really like me before. I still don't really understand why but I think it was something about being loud and jump a lot XD. I'm not mad, there is nothing more comforting to me than people knowing who really I am.
:) Now let's talk more about Ms.S character...

When you see Ms.S the thing that catches you about her is her beautiful soul before her beautiful face. Her kind smile before her rose colored lips. Her shyness before her bravery. She's like a match just need a spark to be lightened, and I'm that spark :P. There is nothing, that can left my spirit when it's down, like the sight of her face turn red when she's mad at me, no sound is more joyful than the sound of her angry voice screaming " Amanyyyyyyyyyy" and I wait for her hand to hit me with the anticipation of six year old for a candy. She hold a special place in my heart cause she was there when I needed her, wither to scold me or to praise, she was there. She won me over by her weakness. I never cared or felt guilty about something I said before I met her. May be cause I know that even if I was mean to her she will defend me. She is "the public defender" after all :P . Yes, she will make excuses even if you were guilty and don't deserve it. I love it when Ms.S hits me cause then I won't feel guilty. No, I don't mind it :P.

They say, Ms.S changed after we became friends. I think, she just opened up to people. She was always a fire cracker just needed it a spark...

To be continue...
This was just Ms.S. there still a lot to be said but I don't think I can give her what she really deserve in words. Posts about mom AKA Philosopher and Ms.Rum Rum are coming so just wait...

Resignation from the Human Race

"If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race." Fred A. Allen

I decided to resign from the human race....
I don't want my membership fee back and nothing you will say will change my mind....
as to why?! the fallowing should explain it but No guarantees!

I, Amany,am hereby officially tendering my resignation as a human being. For I'm feed up, with human beings and their egotistic behaviors toward other creatures. We are superior to other creatures only cause god gave us brains to use but if we don't then we are no different. However, if you think you are using your brain just cause you think, well think again.

I'm resigning cause I'm tired of fallowing the standers of humanity. The standers that was imposed on us long time. To be human you have to think in a certain way, act a in a certain way, and feel a in a certain way. But they say "normal" is a relative state?! so , how come I have to follow their relative state ?! why can't I create mine?!

I'm tired of trying to follow society standers of what considered "normal", "polite", or "moral". I'm tired of having dreams and ambitions. Also, exhausted trying to fight for them. So, I keep questioning myself " for what?!". I live in a society where it's normal to be empty headed with pink colored dreams. WHY?! and for WHAT?! . It's normal after all. Normal, it was what I always searched for never been able to achieve.

I'm tired of the doubled standers between males and females. Aren't we all human after all?!. What's the different?! the Y chromosomes is that it?! well, well, some studies have showed that the proud Y chromosome is actually X chromosome but minus some genes. TAKE THAT! misogynist, male chauvinist every where :P.

The previous will be great if I wanted to stay part of the human race, cause science has no meaning to humans when it does not suite their agenda. Just take a look at the Ozone layer and you will understand what I mean.

Why would I want to be part of a race that destroy it's plant. Why would I want to be part of a race that kills each other for money and fun. Why would I want to be part of a race that leaves it's children die out of starvation. Why would I be part of a race where one comfort and safety comes above all which is something you won't see among other mammals, just take a look at Discovery channel and you will understand what i mean.

So, I'm giving up not cause I'm weak, nor cause I'm a self confessed misanthrope, only cause I'm really tired of being Human.