A Night in with a Baby - Part 1

Babies , I hate them and I don't even consider them to be humans :@. However, since I resigned from the human race, I thought to myself why not try to like them. So, in the spirit of liking new things and the fact that I'm going to be surrounded by them "babies" in pedia. Course. I am going to baby-set my 3 month old sister voluntarily . This girl, Whisper, is really driving me nuts :@. She scream for attention, refuse to sleep in her crib must be on someone's lap, puke a lot, and smell nasty for no obvious reason . Her sleep cycle changes faster than the mood of a PMS-ing teenager :@, and I'm stuck to deal with it. Every day I spend with her make me hate the idea of having a baby even more than the day before….

Without going into to much details, this is the story form a sleepless baby setter, me, having a crazy conversation with a baby, Whisper. Here it is ….

I was walking in round in a drunking gait, so tired that I might just drop dead, but I have a baby in hand who won't fall asleep yet. Despite all my hopeless effort , she won't sleep. I looked down to see the light reflection on her widely opened eyes. They were beautiful but at the same time, the sight crushed me because I knew they were predicting a long night :(.

I sat at the edge of the bed, looked at her again and said" I really don't like you or your kind :@"
Whisper " you should stop saying that or I might develop some psychological problems and you might have to pay for my treatment "
Me" what the Fuck ?"
Whisper" watch you language big sister cause I might say it someday and say I heard it from you if Mom scold me ;) "
Me " Are you really talking to me or am I imagining it ? " Whisper " Hmmm, take a round first" Me" OK" I toke a round in my room and said to her " now what?"
Whisper" your condition is serious :S"
Me ":@ you did not answer my question?"
Whisper "Question why a three month old baby can't talk?"
Me" because His Werniks 's area and Broca's area are not fully developed"
Whisper " in lay man words pleas, smart ass :@"
Me " OK, because their brains are not fully developed"
Whisper " since you know that why do you expect me to be more than just an imagination"
Me " …… shit"
Whisper " If only I can talk, I would have told Mom and made her wash your mouth with soap"
Me" HAHAHAHA, you can't because your voice is the creation of my imagination"
Whisper " but I made you listen to me and walk around like an idiot, I only wonder what else I can make you do? ;)"
Me " What an evil little bitch?!"
Whisper " you better watch your language :S or …."
Me " or what ? :@"
Whisper started to scream her lunges out, she drove me nuts trying to get her quite.
Me " If you don't shut up I will drop you?"
Whisper " try it "
Me " you are not scared, I will do it. I swear "
Whisper " don't swear on something you can not do :P"
Me " why are you so sure that I won't"
Whisper " I said try it :)"

I got up, gave her a sharp look and I commanded my hand to let her go but they won't let go of her. My facial expressions changed from sharp anger to surprise and wonder. Why can't I drop her?! Why won't my hand let go of her?!

Whisper " stop wondering, you can't hurt me because I'm weaker than you and you know it"
Me " that made no sense :S, at all"
Whisper " it's because your are stupid"
Me " Hey, I'm your big sister, you better respect me :@"
Whisper " you see, your bad language started to affect me "
Me " fine, I will try to keep it at P.G. level, Ok?"
Whisper " that's better. I need a bottle of milk or I'm going to cry"
Me " don't threaten me. Cry for food, cry for dipper, and cry for attention, all you do is cry, cry, and cry some more"
Whisper " how else can you tell what I need if I did not cry, or did you started to believe I can really talk"
Me "that's no excuse. You can wait for a little bit"
Whisper " I'm small, can't walk or talk, if I was quite too, you may lose me :) . Just like when you lost your bag"
Me " yah, you are right and you are the same size as my bag"
Whisper " no need for insults, Ms. Duck feet "
Me" Ok, so the crying thing, I can get it now. Why can't I hurt you ?! "
Whisper " God created me weak , so you big people can feel strong around me"
Me" still don't understand"
Whisper " because you are stupid, and now I'm afraid of the genes I inherited "
Me ":@, I hate you"
Whisper " which mean you hate yourself, because I'm from YOUR imagination "
Me "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF……. !,2,3,4,5, calm down, it's just lack of sleep hallucination"
Whisper " good girl, since you hold it down. I'm going to explain more…"
Me" be my guest"
Whisper " we agreed that I'm a weak creature and in comparison you are the strong one, I know it and so do you. So, there is no point of flashing your strength , therefore your nature won't let you do it but it's in all creatures nature to show off their strength. So , it make you express it in a reverse way. In another word, protect me."
Me" if it's in all creatures nature to show off their strength, what is the strength you show off?"
Whisper " my weakness and helplessness…."
Me" :S , hmmm…."
Whisper " Think about it big sister, you are the one with higher mental function after all ;)"
Me" you are really one of my hallucination. I need to get some sleep "
Whisper " If I'm hungry, I can't make myself food, I cry, and you can't hit me to shut me up, so you have to make me food. Can you get it now?"
Me" Yah, I think I do. It sounded like you are blackmailing us. "
Whisper " Hmmm, maybe a little. Now, give me a walk in the house cause I'm bored or I will cry"
Me " NO, please don't. I will, I will …"
Whisper " HeHeHeHe, you have no idea how fun is this?"
Me " I can imagine, don't worry :P"

I'm too tired , she still won't sleep and I'm walking around the house like idiot. Hoping for an unattainable miracle that she will fall asleep.